I have been bombarding you all with posts lately but I feel the need to update this blog as the last couple of years I have been quite busy (and I am now as well but feel that this is a form of therapy to clear the mind to work on something else).
The other day while pondering what matches to take for the upcoming holiday weekend, I came to a realization. The situation boiled down to what to take and how to juggle the other responsibilities of one's life. In this area, Columbus Day tournaments abound. There is a big tournament for WAGS (the girls league I mentioned in a previous post) as well as others. In that WAGS tournament, one of the assignors reached out and asked me if I was willing to do some games and then be part of an academy for referees that weekend as well. At first, I was jumping for joy because it meant a lot of matches, a lot of training and so I told him to sign me up as I was game.
Then I had to do something that I was not going to enjoy. Since my son and my oldest daughter play on that weekend, I was going to have to take one or the other to a series of games (most tournaments guarantee 3 matches per weekend). So I called my mother and asked if she could cover for me if the matches coincided. She said yes and as I was filling out the application for the referee academy, it struck me. I really would rather watch my kids play than ref. I don't think I had had that feeling before. I was actually shocked at myself because of my internal motivations, because I believe that I am a good referee and because I love reffing, but I came to the realization that I love watching my kids play even more.
So I closed out my application, and sent the assignor a message that I was not going to do matches for him. I probably burned part of my bridge with him, but I have to level with myself in that, right now, watching my kids play is right up there with reffing. And that to really move up in the ranks of referees, you really cannot be tied down too much as it is somewhat of a fluid occupation, especially at the grade 6 and above level. Having kids who play every single weekend that I ref makes it that much harder to be good at both. And while my whistle may look at me longingly, I want my kids to be able to say that their father was at almost all of their games even more than I would love for someone to say that I reffed a great game. It is a hard decision and realization but one that I am happy with. This time last year I had reffed double what I have reffed up to now. And you know what, its ok.
4 comments:
I fully empathize with you. I have a son that plays U-12 and I will never ever ever ref a game over watching one of his games. If he has an out of town game that eliminates a day of reffing, so be it.
I'm still on the fence re: upgrading to a Grade 7. I know being a Grade 7 gives me opportunities to run center in ECNL (not sure about Academy) games. Otherwise...what has it done for you?
I've all but ruled out becoming a State Referee. I simply don't have the time to go work 100 games at U-18+. Too bad College Club games don't count.
http://milehighsoccerref.blogspot.com/
Brian, thanks for the post and sorry for not replying sooner. The reason I went with the 7 upgrade (and maintenance this year) is because whenever I go somewhere outside of my usual stomping ground, you become just a name on a spreadsheet along with all the other Grade 8 blokes out there. When that assignor that does not know you from Adam needs to assign matches, my theory was that they would assign you better matches. It has not worked out like that too much other than the trip to Alabama where having a 7 made a little difference. Other than that, it is a tough choice to make. And I agree, going to 6, at least now, is out of the question, regardless of how much my SRA wants me to go to it.
Best of luck figuring out what to do with your upgrade.
I'm getting to the same point in my life where my almost 4 year old will start playing next fall, and I'll be blocking out my Saturday mornings so I can see her run around in a big bunch and then we can get hot chocolate and oranges after the game (yes, that is a disgusting combination, but she likes it). I just got my 7, and I want to get my 6 (eventually) but I know my 6 is probably 5 years off as I want my kids to have Dad around.
Enjoyed watching my son play soccer, was proud when he made HS Varsity. After 3rd game of his junior year he tears his ACL, out for 8 months. Rehabs and makes varsity as a senior, 2nd week of practice (before ever playing a game) he tears the ACL in the same knee again. Never plays again. I actually cried when it dawned on me that I would never get to see him play soccer again. I'd give up a whole season of reffing if I had the chance to have seen just one HS game with him.
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