If someone were to tell you that during a game, there is a good chance you would send that someone packing, but here is a scenario that I observed this past weekend that blurs the line from the obvious and I would like to know what everyone thinks about the situation.
While waiting for the game before mine to finish up, I was observing the matchup between two fairly even teams. Red vs Gray U13 or U14. I don't know what the score was at the time but it looked like Gray was up by a goal or two by how the teams were playing. There was a center and two ARs. One AR, on the parent side was not dressed but rather wearing jeans and a coat. He was an AR apparently because he called offsides but as I have said before, he was probably a STAR and was not really qualified to understand what was going on.
Anyway, the scenario is as follows. Red player gets by two defenders down the parent sidelines. Two other gray defenders come up to challenge him. I did not see the contact but something happened and the referee calls a foul in favor of gray. Red player backheels the ball towards the gray player but it goes a little too hard and off to the side and the referee decides that he is timewasting, whatever and decides to card the red attacker.
This is where I need your opinion. A parent on the sideline says something similar to the following "Don't worry about it, Doug, he's an idiot." He must have been the father of the kid that received the yellow. The center walked over to the parent and showed him a red card (which I know is not the way you deal with a disruptive parent) and sent the parent to the parking lot.
As a referee I have been called many things and only once have I had to send a parent packing, and he spoke to me and said some terrible things. This was more of a parent getting a dig on the ref via a conversation with his kid. Not sure I would have done what this center did since it was not a direct "Ref you suck!" And even with a ref you suck comment, I would be hard pressed to eject a parent given these circumstances. I do know that there had been no earlier confrontation between parent and ref since I was there before the game started. Anyway, if someone passively aggressively insults you, would you eject the parent? Let me know your thoughts. I want to see if I can set up a poll to capture the answers.
8 comments:
I actually agree with the ref. To me, it is equivalent to yelling something directly at the ref. I'm sure when the parent yelled that to his son across the field, he wanted the ref to hear it as well. Regardless, it's comments like that which can really start to derail a game unless dealt with properly from the start.
Personally, I think parents/coaches are already allowed to say way too much imo.
I wouldn't send the parent to the parking lot. I would have said something like "We are having none of that today, next comment and you will be sent to the parking lot". Still it is kind of aggressive. Or call on the coach to tell his parents to can it. Shaming the perp might work better than sending him to the parking lot.
Personal. Provocative. Public. If any comment from parents towards me meets those three criteria, they get to watch the rest of the match from their car. If I'm an AR on the parents' touch line and they start blabbing, they get a warning before I raise my flag and let the CR know its time for them to go.
If they are in a stadium it's far easier to ignore them. Besides, tougher to remove a parent from 100s in the bleachers.
http://milehighsoccerref.blogspot.com/
Code of ethics my fellow ref. You should not be passing judgement, (nor posting this on a blog on the internet).
2nd - One problem with why too many good soccer referees quit is because they realize that they don't need to take the amount of harassment that parents, coaches and players give out. Dissent MUST be handled at the moment. If one referee decides not to handle it (as you said you would not do), you are setting up other good referees for a hard time when they handle it according to the laws of the game.
I highly encourage you to find a mentor (one who refs high profile games) and learn from him as an AR. This will give you the experience needed in how to handle these situations.
Best of luck.
Anonymous, thanks for the comments. While I don't agree with everything you post here, I do appreciate you taking the time to add to the discussion.
The way I see it (and I may be quite wrong here), I try to obscure the facts that do not pertain specifically to the incident at hand. And I attempt to shield players, coaches, fellow referees and parents from being personally identified. The idea here is to generate discussion, not to single out anyone.
You hit the nail on the head! Let it go 90% of the time. The situation you describe is not all that "provocative" however it does set a tone. Speak to the captain, speak to the coach, or administrator of the field. Embarrass the gentleman without directly acknowledging him. That's my opinion. Either way way is "right" but by not acknowledging him you setting a "professional" example for the other parents and kids.
I can understand why parents, coaches and even players lose repsect for the referee. Why? you ask for every good referee thers at least one that is simpply horrible. I get it you are not going to see everything and get it right. But when blatant fouls that pose hazardous to the players occur within feet of the referee and they don't call it. That is what makes it tough. You need more consistency and training. I have watched alot of games to see only a handful of comptent referees one of them a sixteen year old girl. I commend you for posting the question and not covering up as one of bloggers suggests "code of ethics". It makes for great discussion and learning. Well done.... I bet you are one of the good ones.
Thank you last Anonymous poster. All I want to generate here in these mental musings of mine is dialogue. Anyone who comes here trying to silence things and waving the "ethics" of referring is not really reading the blog properly. I would love to one day have one of these coaches, parents or fellow referees read one of these posts and say "Wow, the guy described here is an idiot." Not realizing that they are talking about themselves. Or better yet, learning whatever tidbit we share here and say something akin to "I used to do that, but not anymore."
That is why I put these things up here. And I am sure I have been described in someone's blog somewhere not too kindly, after all, no one is perfect.
Post a Comment